February 2009
24 posts
Nicole: Yeah? So talk to me. What is she like? Why are you attracted to her?
Adam: Why am I attracted to her? Hell, I don't know, why is anyone attracted to anyone?
Nicole: I know you of all people look deeper than breasts, haha, so what is she like?
Adam: Its hard to describe. I mean, sure, she is cute. Not smoking hot, but cute...
Adam: She just has this pulse you know? Like she's electric, just ready to spark.
Adam: And she is sexy as hell. She doesn't flaunt it, but she just carries herself around a room like she knows exactly what she needs to be doing. Very intelligent, and witty.
Nicole: She is definitely out of your league.
Adam: Yep. I already gave up.
January 2009
27 posts
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Historical Tweeting Project
So yeah, I have a Twitter. And according to some of my friends, my content is a little, well, “eccentric.” I don’t strive for that. Tweets about wedgies, bathroom stall graffiti, and horny girls in my class just seem to follow me and stick in my mind. But yesterday I stumbled upon an even nuttier idea that had been locked up in some back closet of my brain; Historical...
Two Girls In Physics Class
Girl 1: You know, I have been really disappointed in the porn put out so far in 2009.
Girl 1: The quality is just going down and I keep seeing ugly people.
Girl 2: Psh, who even watches porn these days. Everyone makes their own.
In My Head: I should write a book about the crazy conversations I don't mean to overhear....
“Drove past Barnes & Noble’s the other night with some of the sign’s lights out and it read “Barnes & Nob” - my friend’s boyfriend and I laughed until we stopped - my friend was not amused - I guess you’ve really got to be an immature male to appreciate some things. Sometimes I feel sorry for mature, intelligent people - they’re missing out...
Slideshow of Coach Yow →
Coach Kay Yow passed away this morning. I had the unfortunate responsiblity to pass this information on to my audience through the radio. This slideshow was put together by people who work at the Technician. It is absolutly fantastic, and very emotional.
This song, by Jill Barber, has gotten me through...
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The World Is Out To Get Me
Adam: So I pulled into Harris Teeter, and drove around for 5 minutes looking for a parking spot.
Adam: When I left, I counted a minimum of 37 open spots.
Adam: I was there no longer than 10 minutes.
Holland: Where are you going with this?
Adam: This just proves my theory that the world really is out to get me.
Holland: ...
Holland: What happened to your theory "the universe is here so we can drink it."
Adam: That wasn't my theory, and by the way, that is no longer theory, that is just fact.
Adam: Astronomers recently discovered a massive amount of alcohol in the Milky Way.
Adam: Its a enormous cloud of methanol that measure some 288 billion miles across.
Holland: Encyclopedia Kincaid.
Holland: And you would count the open spots.
I Love Snow
Yesterday I spent all morning watching the snow fall outside my window while I sipped on some hot chocolate and relaxed. We then had Winter Beer-Lympics ‘09 outside with two kegs of Busch “De”Light with the snow falling all around us. Awesome.
This morning I woke up at 6 and watched the sun rise over this snow covered land. Beautiful. I’ve got to take it in as much as I...
Baby, Its Cold Outside. Written by Frank Loesser...
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Maybe I’m too young To keep good love from...
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“I think deer and moose probably spend a lot of time wondering – “Why do I have...”
–
Quote of the Week (Jan 18-Jan 24)
Watch Your Back
Adam: You know what I can't stand?
Mark: No, but I'm sure you will tell me.
Adam: Toilets that flush themselves.
Adam: Because when Im sitting on the throne...
Adam: I like for it to be peaceful
Adam: And when it flushed 6 times while I am still sitting on it...
Mark: Your right, that just ruins the whole bathroom experience
Adam: Im going to find the man who invented these auto-flush toilets. And he had better watch his back. He's got some nerve to think I can't flush a toilet on my own.
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The Kincaid Encyclopedia
Maggie: i have to write a paper about a toothpick
Adam: I once had to write a poem about a toothpick.
Adam: That was hard. So good luck.
Maggie: what is up with professors. that is so weird.
*2 hours later*
Maggie: is it sad that i'm enjoying writing this?
Adam: Actually, i really enjoyed that poem about a toothpick.
Adam: But yes, that is sad, but comforting to me.
Maggie: glad to know im not the only one
Maggie: i wonder if toothpicks are made of balsa wood?
Adam: American toothpicks are made of birch.
Maggie: ohh i knew you'd know, encyclopedia
Adam: And they are mostly made in Maine.
Maggie: what really? maybe i will go into the toothpick industry when i move up there
Adam: It's a good line of business, everyone needs toothpicks.
Maggie: you should start charging people for use of the kincaid encyclopedia
Things were simpler in the old west days in America. You could simply toss ONE coin on the bar and say “whiskey” and the bartender didn’t ask you complicated questions - there was ONE kind of whiskey and you got a shot of it for that coin. Also you didn’t have to drive around town drunk looking for whores - you didn’t even have to leave the bar - they were all right...
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Makeup Quotes of The Week
Since I missed the last two weeks, here are two to make up for those:
Quote of The Week (Dec 28-Jan 3) I’ve decided if I’m ever shot I’m going to scream over and over again: “I’M HIT! I’M HIT!” I’ll scream this in the ambulance, in the emergency room, everywhere - because it’s not every day you get to scream “I’M HIT!” and...
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Last.fm
Nicole: so I can tell ur looking for a pick-me-up
Adam: A what?
Nicole: ur in desperate need of some action, i can tell
Adam: How can you tell that, you just started talking to me?
Nicole: i read minds
Adam: ...
Nicole: i am a psychology major too you know.
Adam: You stalk me don't you?
Nicole: only ur last.fm page haha ;-)
Nicole: and i can read your mood swings like a book on that thing
Adam: You ARE good.
Adam: Freak.
"Weird. America is weird." →
(via magattacksyou) fantastic
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Good Conversations Today
Adam: You know what just realized.
Adam: The Hippie Hour is actually 2 hours.
Jamie: Has been. I have struggled with this myself.
Adam: I never realized it until about 2 minutes ago.
Adam: Maybe in hippie time 1 hippie hour = 2 normal hours
Jamie: Hippie Hours is a dumb show name. And I guess hippie time is infinite.
Jamie: Time is an invention anyhow.
Adam: I agree. Events just happen before, after, or during each other.
Adam: Time is merely a way in which our minds organize these relations to each other.
Adam: I also dont understand what it means to be 'in the present."
Adam: No matter where you are in time, you are always in the present. so if thats the case, maybe time is all at once.
Adam: Or never ending, and everything is happening exactly at the same time as something else.
Jamie: So what you are saying is when my 4-year-old niece says everything happened "last night, a long time ago" she is absolutely right.
Adam: Possibly.
Adam: Or
Adam: It wasnt a long time ago, it was in the present.
Jamie: I think you need to lay off the shrooms. :-)
Adam: Goddamn Hippie Hour.
And
Nicole: would you like to see some of the text messages I got from you today?
Adam: Oh lord. Probably not.
Nicole: lets see....
Nicole: 1:15pm "hey, do you know how to get to crossroads? i think im somewhere near crabtree."
Nicole: 1:18pm "ah crap, are you serious? ok, turning around"
Nicole: 1:25pm "opps, missed my exit."
Nicole: 1:32pm "hey, there is a target and best buy somewhere around here right?"
Nicole: 1:45pm "crap, im sitting at a stop light and i see a target in my rear view mirror, but can't turn around."
Nicole: 1:54pm "the parking lot is packed. ive been walking for like 3 minutes."
Nicole: 2:10pm "finally leaving this shithole. im hungry"
Adam: You can stop now.
Nicole: no no, it gets better.
Nicole: 2:15pm "ive been trying to get out of here forever. i feel like ive passed this ruby tuesday like 6 times. where am i?"
Nicole: 2:17pm "fuck this traffic, aggghhhh"
Nicole: 2:22pm "i think i just passed myself and i look really lost and confused"
Nicole: then at 2:28pm you called, but I was on the phone and you left a voicemail, and all I heard was screeching tires, you honking, and a bunch of cuss words.
Adam: Yeah, screw that skank...
Adam: But hey, I did make it back right?
Adam: And I am never going shopping again.
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Great Philosophers
Aristotle: What does it mean to be a good person?
Descartes: What does it mean to be?
Nietzsche: What does it mean?
Bertrand Russell: What does “it” mean?
C.S. Lewis: What does it?
Lil Jon: What!